I have reached a stage where most of my friends and classmates have started getting engaged or married altogether. I feel relieved to know that I was the youngest in all my classes and that I don’t have to face the pressure to get married back at home as well. Though, I’m sure that day is only nearing with every passing second and more than I dread it, I’m afraid it will be time and I still won’t have found love the second time.
Do I really want to fall in love again?
There were pictures all across my timeline; those really happy and lovely ones you live for. They were all either engaged or married and happiness was spreading like cholera everywhere I turned my eyes. I was smiling too taking in every detail slowly. You may call this old school in today’s age but, I always dreamed of getting married too, to someone who would always put me first and who no doubt would love me for who I am, as I would love him. It was then that this thought struck me and no, I wasn’t being negative. It was reality in its own way. What if I do not meet someone like that? What if I do not marry? What if I am still hung up? What if I am alone? What if…
I kept thinking of ‘what if’ and grew sombre. I’m sure there are few if not many like me out there and holding on to hope is a task sometimes. While I was in the midst of all these thoughts as if by fate I fell upon these words. “What comes easy won’t always last and what will last won’t come easy.” Words strung like this have kept me going and once again words like these have kept me from falling.
I am going to wait it out some more for whatever is in store. Till then, I keep reading more lines like these.
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis
India is a land full of festivals and somewhere in the month of September, the festival line-up begins. Ganesh Chaturthi, Durga Pujo & Dusshera and then Diwali.
First Diwali at work. It was nothing less than a lavish wedding ceremony anyone would think. The colours, lights and creativity flowed like no other day on the 14th floor of my office headquarters in Mumbai. Work definitely was at a stand-still (not-so-good on normal work days but today was Diwali). In the midst of all the banter, decor, chiffon and mulmul, I drowned into another world. My parallel universe always has an alternative to whatever is happening at present. I subconsciously know how to dive into deep minutes of somber and sordid trenches but it was all worth it. Am I a negative person? Definitely NOT. I see things for what they are and at the same time draw inferences from past instances. This makes enjoying the present even better. Lumos! My mind opened up to take in light and happiness!
Have attached a few pictures of the items sold at the Diwali Carnival our team organized. The proceed were donated to two NGOs in Mumbai.
Your alarm doesn’t ring and you wake up late on the day you have to make your big presentation. You hurriedly bathe, dress and get out of the house. The cabs are on strike and the next bus you can jump onto is late. You quickly decide to grab a bite at the deli and miss the bus. The day hasn’t even begun and it already is the worst. You somehow manage to reach your office just in time and see that nobody’s there yet. You breathe a sigh of relief. This is how it feels.
You are walking aimlessly on the street. It’s a Saturday morning and you have no plans for the weekend. You feel low. The birds are chirping. Your friends have headed to the outskirts for the weekend. You only think of how you never manage to go anywhere and are burdened with ‘yeah, but…’. As if by magic, you sense it. A whiff. That familiar perfume. You miss it but you feel at home. This is how it feels.
You are packing to leave and return home. The holiday was relaxing. Your bag is ready and so are you. Your cab is waiting for you in the lobby and all you can think of is that neck-piece you lost on this trip. It was your most priced possession; something you guarded with your life. You decide its time to move on and leave it behind. You step into the cab after placing your bag on the seat before you and reach into your pocket to check if you have some change. Your fingers feel the cold metal of the neck-piece. This is how it feels.
You enroll for a singing competition in school. The participants are seated together and are awaiting their turns. You sit there among them and concentrate hard on your song. You try to mute the others while they sing. They announce your name. Someone nudges you. You get up and walk nervously up the stage. Before you know it, your performance is done. You don’t know how you performed. An uproar. Your hearing comes back slowly. You hear the applause. Slowly it grows louder. You smile. This is how it feels.
It’s been a tiring day at work. The week has been tiring too. Just when you are about to leave, there is urgent work thrown at you. You tell yourself to keep your cool. You begin to unpack. You restart your computer and log in to your email. You have a new email. It reads, “Hi Amy, I know you’re busy with work and that we couldn’t make time for each other but, I want you to know that you can always come back home. Love always.” Everything seems better now. This is how it feels.
This post is my interpretation of an article I read on thoughtcatalog.com a year back. My post is more like an antithesis to what I read in the article.